Tag Archives: Humor

Expressions of Solitude

She Said: LEAVE ME ALONE WORLD!!!

I Replied: Get out of my cocoon

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Winter Wonderland, PMS, & God

My fingers are numb.  The prickle as the feeling returns.   I’ve come inside from a quick smoke.  My habit is at war self preservation.  The snow falls delicately.  It is misleading and deceptive, the high school beauty queen whose personality is that of an ice princess.  I’m still in my hoodie and jacket, my mind is slow to register that is now safe to shed its protective coverings.  I can’t wait for my coffee to finish brewing.  I want to wrap my frightened fingers around the mug, so they can know it’s ok to feel. I  tap along the keyboard awkwardly in edgy juxapositions.  The tv is on and weatherman reveals nothing new-  It’s cold.  Where is the announcement to not be alone, to love, and cozy up in our favorite pjs?  I have too much time to myself, which is another way of saying with my thoughts.  I’m lost in my thoughts, there are too many.  It doesn’t help that I’m an empath, always feeling things and deeply.  

When my energy is high this translates into new paintings and poems and songs.  When it is not, I’m filled with ideals but lack the drive to use my outlets.  So they gang up on me and leave me drained.  I am cramping and irritable, the monthly crucifiction has left me bereft and weak, angry for no reason.  I wish I were a lion, I’d let out a mighty  RRrrroar!  For now, I am a restless ball of energy sucking those in who get too close to my malovent black hole. 

My family creeps around me and invisible eggshells.  I admit this brings me a perverse satisfaction.  Maybe I need Vitamin D or sunshine… maybe I need to wait out this stigmata… maybe I need to sing.  Maybe I need to scream.  Maybe I need to run until I’m out of breath.  Maybe I need to feel alive because this process of shedding feels a little heavy and draining, like dying.  And I’ve learned not to fight, that I can’t fight it.  I can’t control it and must grin and bear it.  And I dislike vulnerabilities and not having some form of control.  Maybe I have an issue with things happening to me because I like to think I help shape my destiny… Maybe I’m too old for snow angels but not God.  Maybe I’ll  pray.

 

MAYBE.

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If there was ever someone who really needed some “head”.*

Arrested: 11/09/10
Charged with: Solicitation of a prostitute

Miami-Dade County arrest

 

*I hope I don’t go to hell for that joke…

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GM [Audio Post]

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Lonely Phone Tag [Audio Post]

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Where My MotherFathers At?!?

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ilitturit hoomer fur righters

Tips to improve your writing

1. Avoid alliteration. Always.

2. Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do.

3. Employ the vernacular.

4. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.

5. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.

6. Remember to never split an infinitive.

7. Contractions aren’t necessary.

8. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.

9. One should never generalize.

10. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.”

11. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.

12. Don’t be redundant; don’t use more words than necessary; it’s highly superfluous.

13. Be more or less specific.

14. Understatement is always best.

15. One-word sentences? Eliminate.

16. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.

17. The passive voice is to be avoided.

18. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.

19. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.

20. Who needs rhetorical questions?

21. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

22. Don’t never use a double negation.

23. capitalize every sentence and remember always end it with point

24. Do not put statements in the negative form.

25. Verbs have to agree with their subjects.

26. Proofread carefully to see if you words out.

27. If you reread your work, you can find on rereading a great deal of repetition can be avoided by rereading and editing.

28. A writer must not shift your point of view.

29. And don’t start a sentence with a conjunction. (Remember, too, a preposition is a terrible word to end a sentence with.)

30. Don’t overuse exclamation marks!!

31. Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in long sentences, as of 10 or more words, to the irantecedents.

32. Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided.

33. If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.

34. Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixing metaphors.

35. Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.

36. Everyone should be careful to use a singular pronoun with singular nouns in their writing.

37. Always pick on the correct idiom.

38. The adverb always follows the verb.

39. Last but not least, avoid cliches like the plague; They’re old hat; seek viable alternatives.

–source unknown

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