A Letter to My Love

 

Today I told someone my thoughts were like lulls in an ocean.  I find myself, occasionally rendered speechless with the depth of what I think.  He said I was too quiet.  Beneath my calm, I thought of everything and I couldn’t stop talking and expressing and feeling.  I felt I had too much to say, but everything I wanted to say felt inadequate or not enough… so I said nothing, nothing at all.

 

This space of serenity is within me.  I am also my storm.  I am my reward.  I have made friends with solitude.  I’ve made amends with myself.  For almost a year, I’ve been in the process of great change.  There are mirrors everywhere I look.  Everyone and all things living show me myself.  So who am I not to love or forgive anyone?  I am in the midst of grief and reflection— I believe I have been the caterpillar inching forward with a hump back.  Heavy burdens that protrude with each step as I’ve climbed and sought refuge from my inner demons.  I’ve felt helpless and alone; fearful and tired; empty and bitter.  Growth it seems is not without pain.  I’ve fed myself knowledge to expand and fill the holes disappointments and setbacks have created.  I’ve become a bigger person, a better me.  I’ve even found beauty in my ugliness and mistakes.

 

I’ve shed a skin.

I believe we become adults in stages and today, Gladney feels a newfound gladness and freedom.  I’m reveling in me.  Perhaps that sounds silly or obnoxious but damn, I feel good!  Smiling for no reason, smiling for being.  I’m laughing out loud unexpectedly like my joy can’t be contained as a simple notion.  I am a woman fully grown.  I accept accountability for my actions thus far and those that will be committed.  I own all of me.  So that I may live truly and fully. Yes, a black butterfly.  A monarch.  A matriarch of truth, wisdom, & love.  I lay to peace those who have brought me hardship or pain.  And maybe in that, I’m selfish because I do it for me to be free.

I grew wings

Make love, not war… there are crimes of passion we commit even to ourselves.  I destroyed parts of my being because I’ve feared being hurt.  I’ve been so strong, I couldn’t be weak.  I have found it hard to trust because I didn’t want to be let down.  I was screen door, open with a layer of protection.  I was crippled, but now I’m whole.

 


 

Have you forgiven yourself for not being perfect?

 

Kimberley

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2 Comments

Filed under Grow, Love, Nurture

2 responses to “A Letter to My Love

  1. Absolutely gorgeous. I had the same wings today as you. What a feeling, eh? Keep writing!

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